I Lost Mommy
I Lost Mommy is the sixteenth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls series. Transcript (ringback tone) Man: ''(censored)'' Milton: '''Oh! Thank God you've answered! Is-is- '''Man: ''(laughing in background)'' Miton: 'What are you laughing at? '''Man: '''Y-you... '''Milton: '''Why are you laughing at me? I've got a serious dilemma. '''Man: '''Oh, okay- '''Milton: '''I find no humor in this problem! '''Man: '''Okay... '''Milton: '''I'm glad you think it's funny! I don't! I gotta be quite honest! '''Man: '''Okay... '''Milton: '''I shipped out a package on Friday, and please, do not yell at me, please refrain from making any smart comments... '''Man: '''Right? I'm not like that... '''Milton: '''We...(sighs) It's my mom's body. She died and we overnighted the body in the casket inside a big cardboard box because that was the cheapest way! And it went out Friday, red label, and it's supposed to be delivered this morning by 10:30, cause the funeral is at 11:15, and now I understand that you're on strike! '''Man: '''Yes, ma'am, I'm- '''Milton: '''No! I'm a sir! '''Man: '''Oh, okay... '''Milton: '''I'm a sir! '''Man: '''I apologize...so-so you- '''Milton: '''Where's my mom's body? It's somewhere in the system, I think! '''Man: '''Yeah, I'm sure- '''Milton: '''I never expected a strike! '''Man: '''Would you-would you-so, you went in...no one didn't brief you on what was the possibility on- '''Milton: '''I don't know! '''Man: '...Friday? 'Milton: '''I shipped out Mommy on Friday and they put her on the conveyer belt! They didn't know what was inside of it! I just said it was a heavy package. And they took it, they shipped it, and they said it would be at the funeral home or the place of delivery by 10:30 on Monday! '''Man: '''Okay... '''Milton: '''And where is Mommy?! '''Man: '''Do you happen to having a tracking number on that- '''Milton: '''Yes, I do! '''Man: '''What's the tracking number? '''Milton: '''1Z6502340X02489553! ''(groans) ''It's Mommy inside! ''(weeps) '''Man: '''Okay. Can I put you on hold for a second? '''Milton: '''I don't want to hold. Don't leave me alone now, please... '''Man: '''Okay. All right, I'm gonna talk to my supervisor for a sec, okay? '''Milton: '''Do-don't leave me alone! '''Man: '''I'm here with you! '''Milton: '''Please, don't leave me! I'm getting scared! '''Man: '''Okay, I'm right here with you. '''Milton: '''What happens when you type in the tracking number?! '''Man: '''Okay. Umm, right now, it's just saying "no information"- '''Milton: OHHHHHHHHHHHH my God! (crying) ''There's no information on Mommy! '''Man: '''Okay, umm... '''Milton: '(crying) Man: '''Calm down! Calm down! '''Milton: '''What? '''Man: '''Calm down, let-let's see if we can find anything. '''Milton: ''(weeping) Okay! '''Man: '''Let's make sure now, it's saying 1Z...340- '''Milton: '(sobbing) ''Yes... '''Man: '''X65- '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Man: '''02- '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Man: '''02- '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Man: '''489- '''Milton: '''Yes! '''Man: '''553. '''Milton:' YES! '''And Mommy was shipped red label on Friday...and she's supposed to be there in an hour! ''(sobbing, then hyperventilates) ''I'm starting to hyperventilate! '''Man: '''No, no, don't hyperventilate. Calm-calm down, calm down...umm.... '''Milton: ''(coughing) Yes! Okay, I'm okay! '''Man: '''Calm down...okay, umm.... '''Milton: '''All right...(coughs)'' (snickering in background) Man: '''Let's see... '''Milton: ''(gasping for air) Where do you think Mommy is? '''BJ: '(under his breath) ''She's gonna start to spell! '''Man: '''Well, okay, where did you ship it from? '''Milton: '''I shipped it from-from Kalamazoo, Michigan...to Okeechobee, Florida... '''Man: '''Okay... '''Milton: '''It was Mommy in the box...(sniffles)'' Man: '''And you say you shipped the casket and all? '''Milton: Well, it's-uh, well, no-the casket was too heavy! Man: 'Okay... '''Milton: '''I just wrapped her up in a blanket and put her in a big refrigerator box. ''(phone gets tossed around) '''Milton: ''(sniffles) Hello? Hello? '''Man: '''Yes, sir. I'm here. I'm just...I'm just thinking wha-what can we do, um- '''Milton: '''Where's Mommy?! Is it true that you're on strike? '''Man: '''Yes, sir. We-we are on strike, um- '''Milton: '''So, the chances are Mommy could be in the back of some truck somewhere, right?! '''Man: '''Right... '''Milton: '(screams and cries) 'Man: '...tell you what. 'Milton: '''What? '''Man: '''Um...we do know that we're trying to make every effort- '''Milton: '''Right. '''Man: '...this package is delivered- 'Milton: '''To find Mommy? '''Man: '''Yes, sir. '''Milton: '''Okay. '''Man: '''So, um... '''Milton: '''Do-say that you'll find Mommy. Say it. '''Man: '''We will-we will find her... '''Milton: '''No, no, say that you'll find Mommy. '''Man: '''We'll find Mommy, okay? '''Milton: '''Okay! '''Man: '''All right...umm... '''Milton: '''Okay, I'll call you back in five minutes! '''Man: '''Um, sir, it won't be five-it won't be five minutes! '''Milton: '''Okay, bye-bye! '''Man: '''Okay. '''Milton: '''All right. ''(Milton hangs up) (ringback tone) Trivia *This call features former co-host of the MJ Morning Show (then called the MJ & BJ Morning Show) BJ Harris snickering in the background during the call and then butting in, muttering "she's gonna start to spell" under his breath. *The strike mentioned in this call is the UPS Worker's Strike of 1997, in which 185,000 Teamsters set up a walkout that shut down UPS for sixteen days. Category:Prank calls